Focus On You First

 

I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve heard people say “I need to find someone because I’m so lonely and unhappy being single.”  Then within a few months of finding someone, start wishing they were single again. In either case, it appears that true love, contentment and happiness is not necessarily attained after finding that special person. From past experiences and observation I’ve become aware that in order for two people to build a truly healthy relationship together, both individuals needs to possess a certain level of wholeness and completeness, along with a reasonable healthy mind, body and soul at the minimum, which equates to one’s overall health.

Finding yourself:  most if not all adults at some point have or will go through an identity crises. This is natural and also necessary in the voyage of finding oneself and knowing who you really are as a person. An identity crisis by definition is an intensive analysis and exploration of different ways of looking at oneself and usually starts during teenage years. One thing for sure, if a strong commitment isn’t made to an identity at some point or the other, you will feel out of place in the world and experience feelings of unhappiness. In like manner, reluctance to committing to an identity can lead to other individuals such as our partners developing identities for us, which can be crucial in cases where that partner is abusive and or condescending. On the Quest of searching for identity, place focus and try to get in tune with your temperament, demeanor, vulnerabilities, ideals, morals, values, likes, dislikes, giftedness and talents. Filter out the bad, except the good and proceed forward being confident in the beautiful person you are.

Mind: A healthy mind is perhaps the most critical component when it comes to building healthy relationships since the decisions we make usually have a trickle-down effect on all other aspects of the relationship. It is important to manage stress appropriately to avoid slipping into a state of depression and all the complications that come along with being stressed-out in a relationship. I myself have battled a depression and found that carrying around baggage by not being willing to forgive and forget contributes tremendously to the development of a depression. The late Nelson Mandela once said “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” It is important to forgive everyone who does you wrong for the betterment of yourself. Remember to replace all negative thoughts from your mind with positive ones; in times of trouble focus on things that bring you joy, for example kids if you have any. Never tell yourself or anyone else for that matter, you’re having a bad day and you will soon see the world as a brighter place.

Body: It is equally important to maintain a healthy body as it is the single entity which enables physicality between two individuals; this is why diet and exercise are among the top recommendations by doctors and health experts. No matter the weight, height, age, gender, body-type, ethnicity, or nationality, there is an obligation on our part to take necessary measures to maintain a healthy body, which also includes cleanliness and hygiene. As it relates to relationships, not only is a healthy body required for optimal performance and stamina, it is also visually appealing to our counterparts.

Soul: this can sometimes be confusing however the soul is eternal; it’s the true essence of who we are at the core. As C. S. Lewis stated “You don’t have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body.” I won’t force religion on anyone but it is my belief that our actions can make our souls weak or strong and the word of God is food for our souls. Hatred towards others, jealousy, spitefulness, selfishness, envy and so forth in my opinion may be natural feelings but these feelings aren’t pure. These feelings are toxic to our souls and if not managed correctly can send us down the wrong path, which in some cases can lead to the unthinkable. It is important that we are conscious of these feelings and filter them out our minds because we are human and it is inevitable that we will experience these impure feelings from time-to-time. The soul needs atonement periodically in order for us to grow and be made whole again.

In conclusion, it is essential that we take time out periodically to focus on ourselves and regroup. By doing so, on our part we can eliminate most of the toxicities that creates complications in the relationship thus keeping us grounded. No one wants to be referred to as damaged goods so take the time out and focus on you first.

 

 

Photo taken by: Roland zh

Protected under Creative Commons CC BY-SA 3.0 License.